This time last month I was having a clear out of some of my stuff, and I stumbled across my old art journal! I had made it for part of an A-Level art project, so about...three years ago, and my intention was to decorate a new page every day, sort of like a paper art blog.
I felt quite nostalgic looking through it, I can so vividly remember the state of mind I was in and the thoughts running through my mind as I created each page. There were good days and bad days, and there were a few pages which made me tear up looking at them as I can remember the pain I felt that day. I don't know if people could ever tell when I'd had a bad day, but the journal was a way to let out all my thoughts and emotions so I could think clearly. That's why I called it "never judge a book by it's cover", it was symbolic about the fact that people don't always know or understand what's going on under the surface.
When I put my journal on display in the art/photography gallery it was sitting next to my written piece about anorexia, which is a mental condition preventing you from eating the way you should and had affected a part of my life. For me it was never ever about losing weight, I hated how skinny I was. I just physically couldn't eat enough because I was so anxious and stressed all the time. I remember one of my favourite quotes at the time was "be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about", and I really wanted to show that in my work, so I also created a four shades of emotion make-up piece of my most familiar emotions at that time.
 |
| Happiness |
 |
| Anger |
 |
| Sadness |
 |
| Love |
When creating my journal, I can distinctly remember a yearning for my future as I created each page. I didn't know why at the time, I guess I had an intense curiosity about what I'd be doing, as at that time I hadn't decided which career path I was going to take or where I wanted to live. As I delved more and more into the pages I was increasingly appreciative about about how much has changed since those days, how much I've grown as a person, and how grateful I am for the people I have in my life now. Sure life's a bit of a roller-coaster with Uni deadlines, long-distance relationships, grown up decision making and embracing independence, but I can honestly say that most of the time, I'm really stupidly happy.
I've nearly finished my three year degree when I'll officially be qualified as a media make-up artist, this year Tom and I will be celebrating our fourth year anniversary, I feel a part of the family at my Church and have made some incredible friends, and I'm growing from strength to strength running an online business alongside Uni with some of my best friends. Sometimes I feel like I have to pinch myself every morning I wake up to check I'm not dreaming!
